My Solo Wilderness Journey

At the top of the 1400 foot cliff I backpacked up!

Have you ever spent three full days alone? How about three full days alone with absolutely zero human contact, no cell phone, no book, no watch (or way to know what time it is at all when the sun isn't out) no camera (I used my phone camera on the way there and way back with my coach, but he took my watch, phone, etc... from me when we got to my solo camping ground), no Internet (gasp), no crossword puzzles? I certainly never had, and never thought it would be something I could ever do. But that's exactly what I just did--spent 3 days alone camping in Desolation Wilderness, CA. For the past year, I have been working with a somatic life coach to help me achieve the goals I want in life and grow into the person that I want to be. Our year of working together was coming to a close, and this solo journey was my self-designed "final expedition" to challenge and empower me, and representing a conclusion to everything that I had been working on for myself this year.

Now thinking about being off in the wilderness alone is all very romantic and exciting, but the experience was terrifying, boring, freezing, hot, sad, hilarious, awe-inspiring, amazing and most of all life-changing. In three days alone in the most beautiful and extreme place I have ever been, I had more epiphanies than I can describe, went through every possible emotion, and in the end, came to a peace and stillness of mind that I had never experienced.

My Campsite at the Lake

In a super, super condensed summary of my trip, this is roughly how it went: Day one: backpacked in with all my gear with my coach (he hiked in with me and hiked out with me, but left me for my "solo" part of the trip) for 5 hours in stormy weather, climbing a 1400 foot cliff in the process (see 1st picture). Set up camp and immediately burrow in my tent in my sleeping bag because it was storming and freezing!! It was raining, and overcast, and I couldn't really see where I was. My mind was a whirlwind of activity. I wanted to feel peaceful, and here I was thinking about everything I always think about! I got really down on myself, and started to wonder if any of this was even worth it. That night, it hailed, got down to 22 degrees, and the wind shook my tent all night long, waking me up terrified at various points of the night. At some point the weather was so extreme that I just started to laugh. An adventure and a challenge was what I had asked for, and that is exactly what I got! After that moment, I realized that I was out here for 3 days no matter what, that whatever happened was exactly what was supposed to happen, and I felt a physical release of tension as I finally surrendered into the experience, then passed out and slept like a baby til morning.

Hiking in...

Day 2: I woke up at dawn to birds chirping and ice steaming off my tent and sleeping bag from the first rays of morning sun. Everything was calm, and clear, and quiet, including my mind and emotions. This day is the most difficult to describe, and I don't think I'm even going to fully try. I don't want to ruin it with the inadequacy of words. This day I experienced joy, a deep connection to nature, grieved for things I thought I had gotten over a long time ago, and ended my day sitting on the mountain looking out over the sparkling lake with the deepest and most powerful feeling of gratitude for everything in my life.

View from my Camp!

Day 3: Woke up feeling more myself than I had in a long time, no urge to check for texts, emails, or think about what I had to do. Spent my morning in the sun with some very playful ducks, and completed a midday thank you ceremony to the land and the animals that had been with me on this amazing journey. Then I packed up my gear and headed out for the 4 hour hike down the cliff with my coach. I got to the bottom feeling empowered, proud of myself, humble, immensely grateful, and with a new-found addiction to and love of the outdoors in a way I never had before.

My dirty feet after three days running around barefoot in the mountains.

I realize that this is a curt summary of an experience I could write a book about, but I just wanted to share a tiny bit of the amazingness of my experience. I am including a bunch of photos below because I believe that in some way these photos (that I took after I had completed my time alone and on my way up and down) will show you more than I can describe about the feeling and the environment that I was in.

A Lost Friend

Me and Stormy resting in the meadow in Yosemite.

 

Many of you may already know this, but I figured that since Stormy has been part of the heart and soul of Amy's kitchen and still frolics happily all over the lemonslice, that I should write a post telling everyone that Stormy passed away in January of this year. I know that was a few months ago, but I am just now reaching the point where I can write about her. I'm going to keep this somewhat brief, but I would like to share a little bit about her passing. For those of you who don't know how Stormy and I met and became best friends forever, please read our story on the lemonslice. In July, at the age of 12, Stormy was diagnosed with hemangiosarcoma, a cancer of the blood that is pretty common in dogs. The vet gave her about two months after she was diagnosed in July, but she made it until the New Year with her vigorous will to live. Those last 6 months with Stormy were some of the most precious and beautiful moments with her that my family has had. Stormy had always been wise, regal, loving, and affectionate. However, she bestowed her affection only when she truly wanted to. She loved us, but would only slobber on us on two occasions--one was "morning snuggles" when we would all wake up and snuggle together on the bed, and the other was when we came home from anywhere, even if we had only been gone an hour :D In those last few months, she became more gently affectionate with us all the time, surprising us with a single lick at a time of day that would have been far beneath her before. She snuggled with us at any time of day or night, lying gently by my side on the bed instead of escaping to the foot of the bed like she used to where my tossing and turning would not bother her. She never seemed to be doing this out of need, however, or comfort. In fact, it was quite the opposite. She seemed to be able to tell that that WE were the ones who needed comforting, so she would let us know that she loved us and that everything was going to be ok. In the last few weeks, she would lay out on the lawn and watch the birds, which she had always loved to do. The birds were coming closer than ever and stormy would wag her tail as they hopped around her. My mom, sensing that stormy was no threat to them, put seeds all around stormy, and all of the birds of the garden came hopping around her eating happily as she sniffed them and wagged, panting with glee. I don't entirely know how I feel about animal psychics, but I happened across a book by one when I was taking Stormy to the vet, and figured, why not, maybe I'll find out something that Stormy wants in these last few months that she has with us. So I called her, and was told that Stormy wanted to go somewhere she had gone many times before--it was on a mountain, and there were lots of big trees, and a green meadow, and there was a small old house, and it smelled like squirrels. It was her favorite place, and she wanted to go there again. I instantly knew that the psychic was telling me that Stormy wanted to go to our ancient cabin in Yosemite, which we have taken her to every year and which is definitely her favorite place in the world. So I packed up my things and headed out with Stormy. She couldn't go on long hikes like she used to, but she had never been so joyful romping after squirrels, endlessly sniffing the air, and laying in the cool meadow. These are some of the photos from that trip, and the picture of Stormy and Me at the top of this post is from this trip as well.

Stormy and Me in the meadow

Me and Stormy looking out over the meadow

Happy Stormy in the grass!

Stormy passed away by natural causes during the night of the first week of January, surrounded by my mother and father. Her ashes are now scattered in the wild garden outside our house, her favorite place to dig. She had an amazing life, and touched us in so many ways. She will always be my first and best dog, that beloved childhood best friend that lives in so many of our hearts.

Horse Magic

Is this actually school?

Birdwatching and organic gardening...sound like two wonderful hobbies that I do in my free time, don't they?

Wrong.

They are my CLASSES this quarter at Stanford. For actual grades! I'm taking an organic agriculture class, which is three hours a week outside in the stanford community farm, where we learn to compost, learn about soil, bugs, plant structure, sustainable practices, marketing--the works. We got split up into groups of five and each group gets their own bed to cultivate and plant! We keep a field journal just like real farmers and get graded on how well we do. Its a blast to dig around in the dirt and get credit for it.

Here are some pictures of my gardening class.

[caption id="attachment_139" align="alignnone" width="320" caption="This is the part of the stanford community farm that is allocated for our class. "][/caption]
[caption id="attachment_141" align="alignnone" width="320" caption="Me with my amazing farming group doing an experiment with dirt. "][/caption]
[caption id="attachment_142" align="alignnone" width="320" caption="Another group planting their seeds in rows."][/caption]

Not only am I taking organic gardening, I'm taking a class called the Biology of Birds, which is a field research based class. We definitely have been learning all the crazy and awesome things about bird biology (like the fact that they have hollow bones and can actually circulate air through their bones!), but my favorite part about the class is that once a week I have to wake up at 5 (yes its difficult, but worth it) and go out to the nature preserves around stanford and watch birds and record them for 4 hours. There is something so magical about being in the woods at dawn listening to the birds sing. We are doing a study about Oak Woodland birds. Oaks woodlands are the major habitat for birds in California, and they are dying! We are trying to determine what the affect is of recreational human use of oak woodland spaces on the birds by comparing the bird density and diversity in a preserve that is open to the public and one that is closed to recreational use.

[caption id="attachment_136" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="California Oak Trees--the major bird habitat of California."][/caption]

We got split into groups for the different projects in this class as well. I'm in group Oak Titmouse. This is our mascot:
[caption id="attachment_144" align="alignnone" width="236" caption="Oak Titmouse"][/caption]
Pretty cute don't ya think?

Out of the 12 or so hours of class I have a week, I spend 6 hours of it outside, and I find myself thinking, "Is this actually school?"

Happily, the answer is yes